It makes sense that as I recap what was a day I soon hope to forget, that I’m looking out a window at gray skies and torrential rain. What a fitting way to put the final nail in the coffin of a truly miserable day. And to be honest, nothing catastrophic happened. It was just a combination of things that resulted in stress, anxiety, and of course, depression. I’m eager to get back to counseling later this month. For quite some time, I’ve wanted to talk to someone. I think it’s important to have someone that’s competent to understand how the mind works and who can suggest productive ways to deal with life’s many curveballs.

I don’t want to eat my problems away. I’m also not looking to zonk myself out, either. Nothing against those who take meds, but what I need are different ways of thinking. The last time I saw a counselor was in 2019 and it helped tremendously. I was journaling, self-reflecting, and accomplishing tasks at a far greater pace than I have been lately. Once I can address the root causes of my stress and anxiety, I will once again be in the driver seat. Until then, I just close my office door, and try to work my cases and keep my eyes on the big picture. I keep to myself. I just try to work through my angst.

I try to live by the mindset that a everyday is a blessing. And that with each day, we have a new opportunity to make our dreams come true. That all sounds quite lovely, doesn’t it? It’s worthy of a Hallmark card, but life isn’t always peachy.

When you work as an attorney, you’re constantly dealing with your client’s problems. I try not to take my work home with me. I also try to not to take defeats to heart, but I’ll tell you, it’s a lot easier said than done. I get very invested in the cases I work. I get to know entire families and I see what they’ve had to go through. In our profession, we strive to zealously advocate on behalf of those we represent. That doesn’t mean you try hard, that means you give 110% – and then some!

Fortunately for me, I don’t hit the bottle when I get stressed out. Alcoholism and drug addiction run rampant in the legal profession. My drug is found everywhere – it’s food. And it can be very dangerous in that obesity can bring about a whole host of health issues. Only, now, I find myself actively dieting so I can’t reach for the pizza, the ice cream, or the Pecan Sandies. Have you ever had Pecan Sandies with a tall glass of ice cold milk? That’s living! LOL But I can’t have any of that.

I can do cardio, though. I did two hours today and I could probably do three if I wanted to. In a weird way, the more into my diet I get and the more focused my training becomes, the more of a release I get. Maybe it’s the endorphins at play or maybe it’s just the fact that when I’m walking uphill on a 15 incline on a speed of 3.5, I’m so focused on the task at hand that everything else is out of sight and out of mind.

One of my favorite bodybuilders, Branch Warren, often speaks about a state of euphoria that’s attainable when you give your absolute all. I don’t know what my absolute all is – or – if I’ve ever put it all on the table, but even the quest for reaching that pinnacle has been emotionally and mentally rewarding thus far.

Another fantastic thing I have is my office door. I get to drop the AC to the low 60’s and work with the lights off. I’m not actually in the dark, but I’m also not under little bulbs of light. The best days are the gray ones. Even though rainy, gloomy days are a big part of why so many people flee the northwest for the tropics, working in that environment is almost cozy and it works wonders on my stress and anxiety. Seeing raindrops on my windows brings me some kind of peace. I tend to do my best work under those conditions. And not only do I do my work, but it’s very much my sanctuary.

I also love when I have clients over and we sit at the round table in my office. Some lawyers swear by the conference rooms or opt to sit behind their desk, but I’ve got a round table that’s perfect for meetings.

Let me tell you a funny story – yes – in the midst of an article about having had a miserable day. When I started working at firm I’m at now, there was this round table in my office. And one of the first things that came to mind was trying to get rid of it. I could have, you know, but one of my bosses (who is also my friend) suggested I give it a try.

After just a few consults, it started to grow on me. Anytime, I have consults or meeting with new or existing clients, I always sit there with them there. It’s a great place for conversations without the pressure of being in a stuffy law office.

I’ve got the downtown office where I do all my legal work, and I’ve got my Jeffersontown office where I do all my articles and content creation. It’s a great side hustle, but it’s also a sanctuary of sorts as well. I can go there anytime – day or night – and get to work. I could go there when I was in a relationship and needed an escape, during the worst days of the pandemic when everything was locked down, or on holidays if I’m stuck in Louisville and away from my family.

I won’t get into why today was a miserable day, but I’ll just say you can’t close the door to the outside world – all the time. There’s people just waiting to come into contact with you that will say hurtful things or try to tear you down. Others might just bring you down all in their own way. I’ve worked hard to create the perception of having leather-thick-skin, but my feelings get hurt in more ways than you can imagine. I do try to distinguish hurt feelings from mere vanity and pride. It’s one thing to be knocked off your high horse, but it’s quite another to have hurt feelings because of the cruelty or insensitiveness of others.

In any event, this may seem like nothing more than a collection of meaningless rants, but for whatever it’s worth, I wanted to share. Maybe it’s because I wanted to share my feelings with the world. Or maybe I just did it for me. Who knows?

On a positive note, the rain is gone, and what’s left of daylight looks pretty cool. There was even a little rainbow and folks went outside to get selfies. It’ll take a lot more than a rainbow to interrupt my article, though.